Sunday, June 16

Father's Day

Father's Day is an odd holiday for me. Not only have I never met the man whose name appears in the "father" slot on my birth certificate, I'm not even 100% certain he's my biological father. I suspect  he wonders the same thing and that that, along with the rest of my mother's behavior during their brief and turbulent marriage are the reasons he beat feet and ran for the hills. Whether or not that's a valid excuse, I don't know.

I considered trying to find him once, as an adult, just before I married my first husband--that was before I'd put a couple of things together in my head and began to suspect that he might not actually be my biological father after all. After I divorced my second husband, I took a new surname, Pattskyn, because I'd never known the guy anyway, so whether or not we share DNA is irrelevant. His family doesn't get to claim me. Not that they likely would  ;-)

It should probably be obvious by this point that Mother's Day is also a bit of an interesting holiday; I don't have a relationship with my mother at all, and that's by choice.

What I did have is an awesomely wonderful grandmother. She raised me practically singlehandedly (she had some help from her sister Mary and Mary's husband Jesse), but for the most part, my grandmother was mother, father, nurse, confidant, best friend, and worst enemy. Pretty much everything a parent is supposed to be! One thing she never did was disown me or say she didn't love me, even when I came out as bisexual and Pagan (in the same summer, no less.)

In Hanging by the Moment I based  a lot of Pasha's relationship with father--both good and bad--on my relationship with my grandmother. Like all human beings, she wasn't perfect. She had good days and bad days, excelled at some things and flopped at others. But no matter what, she always loved me--because that's what family does.

Even though she's been gone many years, I still want to say "Happy Father's Day!" because even though she was a woman (and therefore technically not "father") she was there for me every step of the way from the day I was born until the day she died.

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